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head!Cortina

Fic: Pain in the Neck (LoM)

Posted on 2010.06.22 at 20:44
Current Mood: jubilantjubilant
Tags: , , , ,
You know how long it is since I've written LoM fic? Since I've written anything? (Although my hard drive is littered with 300word snippets of unfinished SPN fic, but that's another story).

And yet, here I am, with this offering, filling a prompt posted on Li73 - the prompt being as follows:

Sam goes to the doctors for a sore throat that refues to go away and learnes he has
to have him tonsils out and he refuses.


Inorite?

This is dedicated to lozenger8 with love. :D




“Right, that’s just about enough, Tyler.” As Sam’s back crashed into the filing cabinet, he was almost relieved. For one thing, it took his mind momentarily off the excruciating pain exploding through his throat. For another, he was miserable enough that he was prepared to accept any contact as comfort. Comebacks formed themselves in his mind, but he stayed silent, not willing to go through the agony of speech just for the transitory satisfaction of telling the Guv to piss off.

Gene was, as ever, more than willing to fill the conversational vacuum. “Are you intending to mope round this place like a bear with a sore arse for long? I didn’t think you could be any more of a miserable bastard than usual, but you’ve actually managed to reach a new level. There should be a prize.”

“Whatever,” Sam managed, and Christ it hurt like fuck, but it was enough. Gene released him, even dusted him down a little.

“Save the sexy growling for the plonks, Sammy-boy,” he retorted, but his heart clearly wasn’t in it, his expression balanced somewhere between curiosity and concern. “Go on then, what’s the problem?”

“Throat.” It came out barely a whisper, forced through broken glass. “It’s killing.”

Gene nodded sagely. “Too many fags, that is. Happens to the best of us. Now quit yer whingeing.”

Occasionally, it came in handy that most of what Gene said could be effectively answered with an eye roll. Gene grinned in response, the accompanying pat on the chest maybe a little too hearty for Sam in his current state.

“All right, Gladys, just kidding. There’s summat going round – couple of the plonks and Wossername in the canteen have called in sick. You been to see a quack?”

Sam shook his head.

“Typical. You know, for a bright lad, you’re a proper div at times.” And now Gene was rolling his eyes, with the world-weary sigh of the constantly put upon. “Come on then, get your coat. I’ll drive you.”

+++++++++++++++
Having some middle-aged bearded bloke peer down his throat from a range that took no account of the concept of personal space wasn’t too hard to cope with, on the grand scale of things. He could have lived without the spatula thingy shoved in his mouth to press down the back of an already sore tongue, but sometimes success comes through adversity, and Sam bore the pain with a dignified fortitude.

It was when the sadistic bastard began squeezing his neck (“I’m just going to gently palpate the affected area” uttered in the deceptively soft tones that proved so effective for Gestapo interrogators) that Sam decided enough was enough. “Shit,” he hissed menacingly, although since the stick was still jamming down the back of his tongue it came out more as “Hhhhiiiiiiiii” and the doctor seemed largely unmenaced.

“Hmm,” he said, stepping back. “Yes, you’ve definitely contracted tonsillitis, although it’s unusual to come across a case of this severity in someone of your age. Did you suffer from it as a child?”

“Er, yeah, I ... do. Did. Sometimes.” Funnily enough, he’d forgotten how bloody unpleasant it really was, remembering only days spent lying on the sofa under a blanket, watching Pebble Mill at One on a shitty black and white TV that his mum had been proud as punch to own. He remembered, too, their local doctor’s eagerness to ‘whip ‘em out – just a simple procedure – for the lad’s own good,’ and his mum’s determination that her little boy was not going through surgery for no good reason, and let that be an end of it.

“...your own good, really. Should have had them out years ago, in my opinion.” Sam’s attention snapped back into sudden sharp focus, as the doctor continued blithely. “So, I’m referring you for surgery, which should...”

“No!”

The edge of hysteria in the croaked syllable caused a raise of eyebrows. “I beg your pardon?”
“No. No way.” Didn’t matter how much agony he was in, there was just No Bastard Way he was putting himself through bloody surgery in the 1970s NHS. He’d honestly rather perform his own tonsillectomy with a rusty spoon and a bottle of whisky, which, let’s face it, would probably be a damn sight more sanitary than whatever medieval conditions were supposed to pass for healthcare in this godforsaken world.

The doctor sighed, clearly consigning Sam to the ‘Stupid Bastards who Think They Know Best’ category of patients. “Well, I obviously have no intention of forcing you, but...” The pause lingered between them until the doctor lost interest. “Very well. I’ll write a prescription for penicillin – follow the dosage instructions carefully, and I’ll expect you again sometime. Soon, I shouldn’t wonder.”

Sam’s response was lost in the clatter of the door swinging shut as he beat a rapid retreat, illegible scrap of paper clutched tight as treasure in his overheated fist.

+++++++++++
Sam rested his head gratefully against the headrest of the Cortina, trying to ignore the throbbing of his head and throat. Gene took a breath, and Sam braced himself.

“Didn’t your mother ever teach you that Doctor Knows Best? If the quack thinks...”

“No. “

“Oh come on, you great Jessie, bit of pain never hurt anyone. I’ve had mine out.”

“Oh right. Because you’re my perfect idea of a role model.”

“Not too bloody sick to be a gobby twat, then. That’s reassuring.” There was a pause; Sam holding himself as still as possible in the forlorn hope that Gene might think he’d fallen asleep. Not a chance.

“Tell you what, Sammy-boy...” Sam risked a look over towards the driver’s seat. Gene was rubbing suggestively over his crotch, a lascivious leer on his face that even the dirtiest dirty old man might well have considered a step too far. “...the Gene Genie knows how to take away the pain.”

“God, you’re disgusting.” But unexpectedly, and for the first time in several days, a smile stole onto Sam’s face, and contentment crept tentatively in to dull the worst of the pain. The silence became companionable, and by the time they reached Sam’s flat he genuinely was more than half-asleep. He heaved himself out of the car, turning back to lean in for a moment.

“Gene. Thanks. Really.”

Gene nodded. “Yeah, well. Next time I see you in the office it’s business as usual, so if I catch you moping around like a girl again I’ll boot your arse to kingdom come. Clear?”

“Yes, Guv.” He stood back, closing the door, and watched until the Cortina had screeched round a corner and out of sight.

“He doesn’t, you know.”

The voice came from just behind and below. Sam spun round, caught his foot on the kerb and sprawled on the pavement, scrabbling crab-like away from the impossible apparition facing him.

“What are you...you’re not supposed to...what?”

“Know how to take away the pain. Only I can do that. Shall I help you, Sam? Will you let me?”

“Leave me alone!” Clambering gracelessly to his feet, Sam fairly sprinted into his flat, slamming and locking the door, letting his weight rest against it while his breathing subsided. Suddenly, he felt a whole lot worse.



(x-posted to Li73, obviously)

Comments:


chamekke
chamekke at 2010-06-22 20:03 (UTC) (Link)
I love you.

Please bear my tonsillitis-wracked babies.
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-06-22 20:22 (UTC) (Link)
I love you too! I take it this meets with your approval then? Had to be done, you know how it is.

Hmm. Well, there's a tempting offer if I ever saw one!
chamekke
chamekke at 2010-06-22 20:45 (UTC) (Link)
Do I approve? Oh yes. Yes yes yes yes yes. Hallelujah, yes.

There's so much I love about this, but for some reason I especially adored this wonderful bit:

It was when the sadistic bastard began squeezing his neck (“I’m just going to gently palpate the affected area” uttered in the deceptively soft tones that proved so effective for Gestapo interrogators) that Sam decided enough was enough. “Shit,” he hissed menacingly, although since the stick was still jamming down the back of his tongue it came out more as “Hhhhiiiiiiiii” and the doctor seemed largely unmenaced.

Stupid doctor. I can tell you, if I had Sam in front of me, it would not be his throat I'd palpate.
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-06-22 21:12 (UTC) (Link)
Sweet Lord...*dies*

Why do I suddenly find myself in the mood for Sam/Gene doctor/patient roleplay. "Now lie still, Mr Hunt, while I gently palpate the affected area...yes, there's definitely a small but significant swelling here..."

"Oi, I 'ope yer not impugnin' me magnificent cock, Tyler."

Heh.
Strike while the irony is hot
draycevixen at 2010-06-22 20:33 (UTC) (Link)

Only after she's had mine...
Strike while the irony is hot
draycevixen at 2010-06-22 20:35 (UTC) (Link)

It may have been a while but you still have the lads down pat.

I think it's the scene in the doctor's office I loved most, Sam's observation on the examination and the memories it triggers are just great.

Thanks, petal. ♥
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-06-22 20:56 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks, hun - it's deeply reassuring to know that the voices still work. I haven't dusted off the DVDs for a while, so I was just hoping for the best!

(Sam's tonsilitis memories are basically my own. Good times!)
vic
saintvic at 2010-06-22 20:53 (UTC) (Link)
Poor Sam, I think he might need me to go and look after him *g*.

Your Sam and Gene, as always, sound absolutely spot on and their reactions/actions are just perfect. I love how they bicker despite Sam being ill, the way you can tell Gene cares especially when he covers it up with insults. And the little hints if memories and the ending are great and feel just like the show.

Loved it ♥.
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-06-22 21:14 (UTC) (Link)
Careful, that tonsilitis is a contagious sonofabitch! (Probably worth it, though!)

Bickery Sam and Gene are totally my favourite, and I'm really glad the banter worked. Thanks. ♥
Hambel
hambelandjemima at 2010-06-22 20:55 (UTC) (Link)
Please never, ever, leave this fandom, because you do the boys so well. Right from the first paragraph this was so obviously Gene and Sam, and I could feel Sam's pain all through the story. I'd like to pick out a favourite part, but I'll only repost the entire story, so I won't *g*

♥♥♥
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-06-22 21:21 (UTC) (Link)
Oh, thank you! *feels slightly emotional*

I really have no intention of leaving this fandom - I just go extremely dormant from time to time! I'm really pleased you liked this so much - just goes to show, I suppose, inspiration can strike when and where you least expect it.

Thanks again. ♥

talkingtothesky
talkingtothesky at 2010-06-22 20:58 (UTC) (Link)
Really happy to see you writing again, this is wonderful. ♥
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-06-22 21:23 (UTC) (Link)
I'm really happy, and more than a little surprised, to be writing again! And thank you so much for your lovely comment. :DDD
Loz
lozenger8 at 2010-06-22 22:23 (UTC) (Link)
I feel sure we're already married, BK. I feel sure we are. But, omg, MARRY ME! This was GENIUS.
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-06-22 22:54 (UTC) (Link)
There's an astral plane out there somewhere with our names on it, no doubt. ♥ &smooches;

Ha, I don't know what it is, but sometimes I just get these ridiculous urges to commit fic in unlikely circumstances! Glad you liked. :D
GRITS in Misery
gritsinmisery at 2010-06-22 22:30 (UTC) (Link)
*snorts*

I think this fits the bill perfectly.
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-06-22 22:55 (UTC) (Link)
Heeeeee! Job done!
Thirdbird
thirdbird at 2010-06-22 22:56 (UTC) (Link)
Ha! Damaged-yet-snarky Sam is my favorite. And dirtier-than-dirty-old-man Gene, of course. Just right.
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-06-22 23:08 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you. :) Possibly my favourite thing about Sam (tight trousers aside!) is his ability to snark in adversity - it's totally canon, for one thing. Writing him that way is just a lot of fun.

Gene is a total perv. Fact. :D
Christine
neuralclone at 2010-06-23 00:08 (UTC) (Link)
You know this really, really needs a Part 2 where Sam has his tonsils out and is comforted by being spoonfed bowls of jelly and icecream by Gene. *G*

That being said, I loved this, especially the very in-character Sam and Gene bickering.
Loz
lozenger8 at 2010-06-23 09:08 (UTC) (Link)
More and more I doubt your word when you say you don't slash, NC.
Christine
neuralclone at 2010-06-24 00:11 (UTC) (Link)
Well unless "bowls of jelly and icecream" are a euphemism for something... *EG*
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-06-23 09:29 (UTC) (Link)
That would work!

Gene: "Come on then, open up for the aeroplane, there's a good lad."

Sam: "Fuck off. And die."

FIN.

(Or where Gene catches it off Sam and they sit around together being grumpy miserable old buggers with attractively husky voices.)

Anyway - I'm really glad you liked this. Thanks! :D
Andy
m31andy at 2010-06-23 13:17 (UTC) (Link)
Fantastic, fantastic, fantastic!

So sweet!

And my throat is hurting in sympathy now - I remember having tonsilitis as a kid. Best thing ever happened to me was having them whipped out.
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-06-26 12:39 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! (I kept my tonsils, which has made a huge difference to my subsequent quality of life. Or possibly no difference whatsoever.)

So - where is it then? *drums impatiently on kitchen table with rusty salad fork*
Vermin
vermin_disciple at 2010-06-25 06:25 (UTC) (Link)
This is delightful! Fantastic dialogue.

Occasionally, it came in handy that most of what Gene said could be effectively answered with an eye roll.

<3! There are a lot of excellently quotable lines here, but I like this one in particular. It's so thoroughly Sam. Really, though, the whole thing is so very Sam. And Gene is very Gene. Great characterization all around, in other words. :D

I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-06-26 12:47 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks - I'm really pleased you liked it, especially the dialogue (dialogue is my 'thing', if anything is).

Sam's eyerolling is something of a cliche - even John Simm refers to it pretty regularly - so it was nice to actually be able to make it relevant!
janis62 at 2010-06-26 15:12 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks, great story and I too want a seqeul
of Sam having his tonsils out
(Deleted comment)
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-07-12 18:41 (UTC) (Link)
Sam's pain being amusing was totally deliberate, so I'm really pleased it had that effect! (Which means, however sad you are, I must be worse.) The creepiness was an unexpected bonus.

Thank you for your lovely comment. :D
janis62 at 2010-07-09 13:18 (UTC) (Link)
I too vote for a sequel and you know I always
heard that having them out as a adult was a
lot more painful. Plus more chance of something going wrong afterwards. Think of
all the H/C that could take place.
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-07-12 18:42 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you - I doubt there'll be a sequel, but then I wasn't expecting to write this, so who knows what could happen!
Sarah Snuy
sarahleia at 2010-07-12 11:04 (UTC) (Link)
This was great!
I, being poor, have only my dreams.
bistokids at 2010-07-12 18:43 (UTC) (Link)
*curtseys* Why, thank you! *g*
Petra
petronelle at 2010-08-14 01:07 (UTC) (Link)
Aw, Sam is deeply endearing here, and Gene is perfectly himself. Well done.
chamekke
chamekke at 2012-02-14 04:05 (UTC) (Link)
Came across this quite by accident tonight, and... God, it's still as magnificent as I remembered.

Dunno if you ever knew, but your fic inspired an icon!

*points upwards*
Dana
danae_b at 2016-03-29 05:51 (UTC) (Link)
Ahhh Sam's stubbornness is so point on in this and that leer of Gene's at the end *delighted clapping* The freakishness that then pops up is pretty much the rest of the show in a nutshell, I love it!
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